Andy Nunn: Why Admitting You Might Be Wrong Can Make You More Successful, Respected And Appealing

Australian mentalist and human behaviour expert Andy Nunn wants people to admit that they might be wrong, not just because it is the right thing to do but because it is attractive.

Nunn said confidence may get you noticed, but humility is what makes people want to work with you, trust you, date you and spend time with you and he believes we could all do with a lot more of it.

According to Nunn people worry about what others think of them and constantly try to be likeable by looking tough, smart and confident. However, he warns this is the wrong approach.

"Stop trying so hard to prove you're right and start showing people how vulnerable you are and that you do get things wrong," Nunn said.

"One of the most attractive qualities a person can demonstrate has nothing to do with appearance, status, money, charisma or being constantly right. It is humility, the ability to show your vulnerable side.

"To be honest, it is downright magnetic."

Nunn said it means having the confidence to make decisions and express an opinion while retaining enough humility to accept that you might be wrong.

"Humility is appealing because there is something incredibly attractive about somebody who doesn't need to prove they are the smartest person in the room or in every situation," Nunn said.

"Think about the people you genuinely enjoy being around. They're often the people who listen, ask questions, laugh at themselves, acknowledge when they don't know something and are humble enough to admit when they are wrong.

"That isn't weakness, it shows strength of character because it takes enormous confidence to stop defending your ego."

Nunn, who uses mentalism and behavioural insights to demonstrate how easily the human mind can be influenced by assumptions, biases and the stories we tell ourselves, explained confident humility is one of the most powerful and attractive skills people can develop. A respected mentalist, TEDx speaker, keynote presenter and critical-thinking advocate, he uses psychological illusion, behavioural insights and lived experience to explore how humans think, make decisions and respond to pressure.

His work draws on more than 25 years of experience in mentalism and more than a decade coaching leaders, shaped by his own personal journey through addiction and five years of sobriety, as well as extraordinary tests of physical and mental endurance, including completing the gruelling 200-mile Dragon's Back Race.

I could be wrong

Nunn wants everyone to learn these four words and use them more often: I could be wrong. He believes our society respects and rewards certainty to the detriment of getting things right.

"Unfortunately, our society encourages people to come to a decision or form an opinion immediately and then defend it vigorously because it is seen as weakness to change our mind," Nunn said.

"The problem is that our minds are not nearly as objective as we think they are. Confirmation bias can encourage us to notice information supporting what we already think. Anchoring can cause initial information to disproportionately influence subsequent judgement, while status quo and sunk-cost biases can make people persist with decisions simply because they have already invested in them.

"Our brains are brilliant storytellers. We form an interpretation and very quickly start treating that interpretation as fact. Humility creates a little gap between what we think and what we know."

"The most powerful words you can say are, I could be wrong. "You don't have to become indecisive or apologise for having an opinion. Be confident enough to make the call and humble enough to change it when better evidence arrives."

Five ways to be more humble immediately

Nunn said humility doesn't mean making yourself look smaller, it is about reducing the amount of ego
you bring into everyday interactions with other people.

1. Stop waiting for your turn to talk

"Focus on being present. If somebody is speaking and you're already thinking about what you are going to say in response, you are not really listening. Try becoming genuinely curious about what they are saying rather than preparing to demonstrate what you know," he said.

2. Say I don't know without embarrassment

"You don't have to know everything. It is OK to say that you don't know something but you would like to understand more. This shows that you are willing to learn rather than bluff your way through things," he said.

3. Don't point out mistakes, ask questions instead

"When you feel that someone is saying something that is wrong, rather than point it out, ask them what you may be missing. This completely changes the energy of a disagreement. You can still disagree strongly but you are creating space for information you may not have considered," he said.

4. Work out the facts rather than relying on assumptions

"Our bias helps our brain create narratives that may not be correct. Always revert to facts to clarify what you know. Look at what evidence or information may change your perspective. This process is confident humility in practice," he said.

5. Admit mistakes quickly

"Don't spend 20 minutes explaining why you were technically almost right, this is what wankers do. Be honest and humble and explain that you got something wrong. Apologise and ask what needs to happen now. People will respect you more if you take this approach," he said.

Humility can transform your relationships

Nunn said the same principle can radically change personal relationships because many arguments stopbeing about the original problem and become contests over who is right.

"How many relationships have spent an entire evening fighting because neither person can bear toadmit they may be wrong or they have misunderstood the intent of what was being said," Nunn said.

"We defend ourselves, interrupt, produce evidence from arguments that happened five years ago and turn disagreement into a courtroom. I don't have to tell you how unattractive this is because we can all see it.

"Imagine if the discussion involved you explaining that you would like to know more about their viewpoint so you could understand it better and that it may assist you to form a different opinion.

"That's humility. You're not automatically agreeing with the other person, you're accepting that your interpretation may not be the only possible interpretation."

According to Nunn, that quality is deeply attractive.

"Someone who can genuinely listen to you without constantly needing to win is incredibly attractive," he said.

"Humility means feeling secure enough in yourself to make room for the thoughts and feelings of the other person. That's why I call it sexy."

The smartest person in the room doesn't need everyone to know it.

Nunn believes humility is equally powerful in the workplace, particularly for leaders.
He encourages executives to ask their teams for ideas, reasoning, alternatives and trade-offs rather than simply giving orders or providing answers.

"Leaders that don't show humility end up creating a culture of yes people where innovation dies. Leaders who think they have to be the smartest person in every meeting end up surrounded by people who stop challenging them," Nunn said.

"A good leader is someone who offers their view and then asks what they are missing.

That's not surrendering authority, that's going through a process of collaboration to improve the quality of the decision."

Nunn calls this confident humility, acting decisively while remaining open to evidence, alternative perspectives and the possibility that your first interpretation may be wrong.

Try the humility challenge for 24 hours

Nunn is challenging Australians to experiment with humility for a day.

"Spend 24 hours noticing every time you want to correct somebody, interrupt, prove you're right, defend yourself or have the final word," Nunn said.

"Before responding, ask yourself three questions: What do I know? What am I assuming?

What could change my mind?

"You may discover how often you are not defending a fact at all. You are defending a story, an assumption or your ego. Basically, you are defending your bias.

"We tend to think confidence means always knowing the answer. I think real confidence is being comfortable enough with yourself to admit when you don't know the answer or that your answer may have been wrong.

"Apologise when you think you may have got something wrong and explore how you can find out more to better understand the issue or situation.

"You dont' become smaller by showing humility, you become someone other people actually want to listen to. And yes, that's attractive."

About Andy Nunn

Andy Nunn is an Australian mentalist, TEDx speaker, keynote presenter and critical-thinking advocatewho uses psychological illusion, behavioural insights and lived experience to explore how humans think,make decisions and respond to pressure.

Performing magic since childhood and professionally since 2019, Andy has worked with organisations including Google, Amazon, EY and Ralph Lauren and now delivers approximately 50 keynote presentations each year.

His keynote experiences include The Human Advantage, Wonderfully Uncomfortable and Seeing Isn't Believing, covering leadership, bias, change, resilience, misinformation and critical thinking.

Andy combines more than 25 years of experience in mentalism with more than a decade coaching leaders, his journey through addiction and five years of sobriety, and extraordinary endurance challenges including the 200-mile Dragon's Back Race. Based on the Central Coast of NSW, he is currently writing a book, developing a critical-thinking program for high school students and building his podcast and broader thought-leadership platform.