Having a baby, especially if the newborn is anticipated and expected and not the result of forgetting to use contraceptives, is often a joy to a couple. However, an infant could also be a hindrance to a return to intimacy between the mother and father.

A new study of more than 1,000 British couples, conducted by Channel Mum, a parenting site in the UK, found that on the average, new parents wait 58 days after birth before they have sex again. However, some new mothers delay it longer because they find that making love again could be complicated, scary and painful, reports The Telegraph.

Among the reasons cited by Brit women why they avoid sex for a long time is coming to grips with breastfeeding and lack of sleep as baby demands attention at different hours of the day, especially at nighttime. Another is slow healing of the female genital from the childbirth.

Some new mums say that the birth experience have traumatised them so much that they feel “totally lost in the alien landscape of motherhood.” While having a new addition to the family makes them alert and excited, at the same time, they feel alone and totally lost.

One new mother shares that childbirth resulted in her having an “absolutely zero sex drive” despite have a gorgeous and attractive husband. Another shares that 17 months after birth, she and the hubby had only two lovemaking sessions.

The failure of episiotomy scars, or tears in the vagina due to childbirth, to heal correctly makes sexual intercourse painful for the woman. An episiotomy, or the incision made on the tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus, is no longer a routine procedure during childbirth.

To promote healing, which could take weeks, Mayo Clinic recommends soothing the wound with an ice pack, pouring warm water over the vulva during urination to take the sting out, pressing a clean pad against the wound when passing stool, tightening the buttocks when lowering self to a seated position, taking prescription medicine and trying complementary treatments such as the use of lavender to relieve pain.

The advice of Siobhan Freegard, founder of Channel Mum, to couples with a new baby is that “There is no right time to resume the romance; it’s different for every couple and after each birth.” Freegard says those women who experienced a difficult childbirth should firs resolve physical and emotional issues before the couple thinks of returning to intimacy.

However, the complications could result in more intimacy eventually. But it could take more than two months of waiting, particularly for the father who may have held off having sex during the last weeks before the wife gave birth.

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