Couple
A couple walk down the 'Cathedral of Light' during a preview of the Sydney Botanical Garden's inaugural contribution to the Vivid Sydney light festival, an annual interactive light installation and projection event around Sydney, Australia, May 25, 2016. Reuters/Jason Reed

Frequency of sex between couples is not linked to their happiness, a Florida State University study, released in April, found. When it comes to frequencies, the common belief is that it is the male who wants sex more often than the female.

However, the Washington Post reports that new research by Canadian psychologists indicate that women may want more sex than their male partners think. The University of Toronto and University of Western Ontario study, published in early May in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, says that men in long-term relationship frequently underestimated the desire of their female partners for intimacy.

The research is based on three previous studies with 229 long-term couples – most heterosexual pairs – aged 18 to 68 years old. They have been in a relationship at an average of six years and have sex once or twice a week.

The first study had 44 couples who listed on a diary for three weeks their level of sex desire daily and perception of their partner’s level of desire as well as level of satisfaction in their relationship. The second study had 84 pairs who reported their level of desire, perception of partner’s desire and happiness into a laboratory once. In the third study, the 101 partners also kept a diary the same issues for three weeks. In addition, they reported “how motivated they were each day to avoid sexual rejection.”

The three studies echoed the results of the 1994 University of Chicago study on the usual frequency of couple sex which were few times or more a month for 80 percent, twice or thrice a month for 32 percent, few times a month for 42 percent and the sex lasting for about one hour or longer for less than 10 percent of the married couples.

The Canadian research found that males were consistent in underestimating the desire of their female partners for sex, but women read better if their men wanted sex. The underestimation is apparently a way for men to avoid sexual rejection if he initiates sex and she says “No.” If he assumes she is not interested in being intimate and does not initiate sex, he avoids the feeling of rejection.

Commenting on the research, Kristen Mark, author of another article on sex in the June 2015 issue of Current Sexual Health Reports, says, “The assumption that women are going to be the lower-desire partner needs to be thrown out.” Amy Muise, postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto, advises couples to communicate not only when then want to be intimate but the signals they use to show they desire.