Gen. Keith Alexander testified before a House committee on intelligence this week, claiming the NSA's secret surveillance program is keeping America safe because it has already stopped "a bajillion" terror plots.

In case you were curious, one bajillion is 10 to the power of 42, making it significantly smaller than a google, which incidentally is how this whole NSA surveillance thing got started.

When asked how he came up with the "bajillion" number, Gen. Alexander replied, "What difference does it make? You have no way to verify the numbers we give you anyway. For all you know, it might only be a zillion, not a bajillion."

Sen. Al Franken agreed, saying that he thought the number of intercepted plots was "Somewhere reasonably in the middle of a zillion and a bajillion," but that the number itself was inconsequential compared to the importance of making sure the government can continue to spy on the American people with no transparency or oversight.

A bajillion dollars

Meanwhile, U.S. Senator Charles Schumer asked his fellow Senators which was a larger number: the U.S. national debt, or the number of terror plots stopped by the NSA. President Obama interjected that since the national debt was "pretty much almost zero," the number of terror plots stopped by the NSA had to be the larger number. By a vote of 72 to 28, a motion was passed affirming the fact.

Afterward, another bill was put forward to request "five kabillion dollars" to help fund math and science education which appears to be lacking in America. As the bill was introduced, Sen. Charles Shumer was heard saying on a hot mic, "I like money." (Idiocracy reference.)

Meanwhile, in the House, former Speaker Nancy Pelosi introduced a bill called the "Foreign Usurpation Covert Kingpins Yuppie Orwellian Underdog" act. (I'll leave it to you to figure out the acronym.) The purpose of the act is to ensure that all members of Congress are granted complete immunity from all federal laws, thereby allowing Pelosi and others to resume their normal insider trading where they claim to have earned a "gadzillion" dollars.

Not to be outdone by all this, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has promised to boost the U.S. economy by printing such a large sum of money that it sent shivers through all the spines of all those who heard the announcement. Yes, the Fed is going to print up ONE UMPTILLION DOLLARS and inject them into the banking system where they will unfortunately be held ransom by Goldman Sachs.

Not to be outdone, international money analyst, inventor and investor Max Keiser followed the announcement by publicly predicting that Bitcoin would rise to the level of "umpteen bajillion," thereby taking over world currencies and causing everyone to drop dollars altogether. (Hat tip to Keiser for being able to take a joke.)

Thank goodness for numbers! Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to make sense of the world, would we?

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